Unfeigned, practical love endows a church with a much greater magnetic power than all the marketing efforts of this world!

So says Christian Schwarz in his handbook, The ABC's of Natural Church Development, which lists loving relationships as one of eight qualities of healthy congregations.

While acknowledging some Christians have found loving relationships "a terrible term" when used to describe church life, he documents his belief that "growing churches manifest a measurably higher 'love quotient' than stagnant or dying ones." That love quotient is determined through a series of questions aimed at determining the relationship of church members toward one another. These questions include: How much time do members spend with one another outside of church-sponsored events? How often do they invite one another over for meals or coffee? How generous is the church in doling out compliments? To what extent is the pastor aware of personal problems of laity in the church? And how much laughter is there in the church? Schwarz said results of these questions and more have a strong correlation with the growth of the church: "They turned out to be much more significant than many of the countless methods that fill so many church growth books."

For those who find "loving relationships" a "terrible term," Rev. Dr. Connie denBok of Alderwood United Church in suburban Toronto compares it to the life of individual families. Loving, or authentic, relationships form the dynamics of the church family the same way as a healthy family exhibits joy and trust, is involved in each other's lives, affirms and encourages one another, and has learned how to resolve the inevitable conflicts of life together. Connie denBok has been an Executive Coach for churches participating in surveys.

Fellowship searched scores of United Church websites looking for examples of congregations where these dynamics are visible.

Central United Church in Barrie, Ont. describes the work of its pastoral care committee in sending hundreds of cards, calls, personal visits to the sick, the shut-ins and the lonely and concluded "love is one characteristic that all persons on this group have in common. They love their people and they love doing this work."

The United Church congregation in Duncan, B.C. declares on its website that "one of the greatest rewards of belonging to a faith community is the caring."

While such caring is exhibited in similar ways in most vibrant congregations across the country-helping seniors, visits to hospitals and care facilities, care stewards who are matched with individual members in their church, and participation in vital community outreach opportunities-loving relationships are more than a program. They are the internal dynamic of day-to-day relationships: If a staff member is having health issues, or a board member marriage problems, will they find support, or condemnation, or indifference in their church? Or does anyone even know? If a member of the church is overstepping boundaries and creating conflict, will someone speak with them lovingly and firmly, or will the church wring their hands helplessly and buzz behind their backs? Is laughter heard often, and genuine appreciation expressed frequently? These are the dynamics of healthy family life.

Some congregations will also express their love through programs: In Gander, Newfoundland, women and children in Fraser Road United Church eagerly attended sign language classes when they became available in order to better communicate with a member who had been attending the church for many years even though she was deaf.

Dr. denBok says that one of the challenges in implementing the loving relationship component is seen in "urban commuter churches." Those members have to spend so much time away from home they do not develop relationships outside of Sunday services. It creates an entirely different dynamic to church life, and can foster a consumer mentality. "They are not there for each other."

On conflict resolution, she says, "We might think of a household where one family member is chewing with their mouth open at supper, with their feet on the table. A healthy family dynamic will not plot how to get rid of their eight-year-old. Nor will they beat him into submission, call the police, or ignore the issue while everyone at the table becomes nauseous. A healthy family will address the issue, love the member and insist on good manners at the common table. Addressing conflict is painful in the short run, but actually fosters joy and trust in the end."

The other quality characteristics, profiled in previous issues of Fellowship Magazine over the past two years, include empowering leadership; gift-oriented ministry; passionate spirituality; functional structures; inspiring worship services; holistic small groups and need-oriented evangelism. Research has demonstrated that as churches improve the quality of their ministry and life together as measured on this eight point grid, they almost always show significant growth. Natural Church Development is a diagnostic tool that helps churches find the next step along the road.

Schwarz concludes that when we examine the eight principles more closely, some will be surprised that each one summarizes a central aspect of the biblical message. "Is it not beautiful," he asks, "that the most comprehensive church growth research ever undertaken on this subject, confirms exactly what God has always said in his Word?"

Bob McClellan is managing editor of Fellowship Magazine.