Claims which alleged the discovery of Jesus' bone box earlier this year, while raising important questions, have crumbled under the scrutiny of archaeologists.

However, theologians and music critics are now assessing another astonishing discovery. In a surprising announcement, researchers claim to have uncovered the remains of Jesus' boombox. This promises to once again shake the foundations of Christian faith.

Zack Coleman, the lead investigator, revealed the astonishing details in a news conference yesterday. He related how his colleague Shev made the find one Sunday morning last year. At first the shards of plastic and scraps of wire seemed like nothing. Yet Shev carefully gathered the pieces into his baseball cap and brought them to Zack's house. Painstaking research followed, involving a now-defunct Radio Shack website.

There they found proof that the artifacts belonged to a boombox. Boomboxes were popular during the 1980s. Also called "ghettoblasters," they were associated with impoverished urban areas of America, carried by wayward youths wearing untied basketball shoes, baggy pants and hats worn backwards. The device was typically transported on the shoulder, with obnoxious music blaring very loudly. Songs of choice were typical of the rap genre.

Boomboxes were also popular among suburban wannabees, before they grew up to be accountants.

Skeptical (but not too skeptical) journalists questioned how this artifact of late twentieth century urban culture connects to Jesus, who lived a while before. Zack said that was easy. "Jesus was a Jew," he explained. "The Beastie Boys are Jewish. What are the odds of that?"

What links this amazing find to Jesus? Shev said that scratched on one piece was the phrase, Josh Gordson. "I read once that Joshua and Jesus are the same name, and Gord is only one letter off from God. From that, all the pieces fell into place. Jesus hung around with a bunch of guys. In the "hood," we would call that his posse. His main man was Peter, and someone with the exact same name once lived a block away from where we found this stuff. It all fits!"

Zack suggested Jesus would have been open to all kinds of music, unlike the repressive church that bears his name. "Except new country," he quickly added.

Favourite song? "Probably the classic from West Side Story, the one that goes 'The most beautiful sound I ever heard, Maria, Maria, Maria.' That name sounds a lot like 'Mary' and I saw a movie that said she was Jesus' special lady."

Pressed about their credentials, Shev explained he watches the Discovery Channel whenever he can. Zack claimed he makes movies about boats, but failed to elaborate. When asked why he was behind the dumpster, Shev muttered something about looking for his wallet. He emphatically denied that he was naked at the time. "Imagine, a naked archaeologist! Unbelievable!"

Rev. Greg Smith-Young is minister of Elora United Church and Bethany United Church near Inverhaugh in Ontario.